Wednesday Haiku

Indian Switchback

Rocks taunting at tricky turn.

Remember: stay left!

The Classic

Sunday, February 22 Levi Leipheimer won the AToC for the third time and I participated in my first Spring Classic.

We all know which event clearly surpasses the other snooze fest. Oh, sure, the AToC has Borats, naked dudes, and sumo wrestlers; but the classic has Dr. George, Peter, Ed, Ben, the lost boys from Virginia, and Al Rodzinski. With the classic, the ride is the crowd.

I have heard about the classic for 20 years and managed to show up once for the start in order to cheer the riders on in my best cheerleader fashion.  I always wondered what happened over the next 52 miles.

Well now I know.  I can't tell you because the classic is best experienced first hand. I will say that my initial disdain for those who showed up on cross bikes was quickly replaced by envy as we hit the first section single track.  Never mind Pennypack Park. Good thing I put the all weather tires on at the last minute.  

Remember the buddy system in elementary school that was used for field trips?  Always keep track of your buddy?  This may come in handy in combat situations as well.  Anyway, I lost my buddy M somewhere on Huntington Pike.  Steve Liddell and I had dropped off the main group and assumed we were last.  As we reached the entrance to Pennypack, I phoned M to make sure she was ahead, but alas she and the Virginia boys were behind us.  We tried to offer directions to no avail.  Steve and I caught up with the group who were waiting somewhere in the park.

Did I mention it was raining? 

Pennypack was fun. Ed, Pete, Al and I were on the winning pace.  Note to self: always stick with Al.  He's the man with the plan.  And a great idea for winter shoes.  Mine had encountered catastrophic failure.  Next time I will cough up the shekels and buy Goretex. 

The ride through Port Richmond was tons of fun.  I felt a second wind coming and it wasn't from one of two dead skunks encountered on the ride.  As we cruised along a road that eventually brought us to Delaware Avenue, I thought, "Hey, I'm soaking wet, underdressed, but this is a blast."

Then I got dropped like dirty laundry.  I started to kind of seize up and could only go one speed--slow.  I saw the group pull away and turn right onto Dock Street.  By the time I made it there, they were nowhere to be seen.  Al and Dr. George had stopped somewhere in the middle of nowhere because Geo flatted for about the 37th time and I realize in retrospect I should have waited with them.  Instead, I figured I should stick with the big group in case Al and Geo had a secret short cut and would meet us later. If I'd stayed near Dock Street, they might miss me.  I was prepared to check into a hotel at this point, shower, and put on the AToC.  

I rode through Center City solo because I remembered Liddell mentioning the ride going down Market Street.  When I got to the Girard Ave Bridge on Kelly Drive, I stopped to repair my rapidly deteriorating warmth situation by putting on extra gloves.  Misha rode by at 100 miles an hour shouting, "Riders Up."  I don't know why he was there since I thought the ride went down West River Drive, but I was happy to see at least one member of the group.  I went home via the Bug trail hoping to catch the main group after they went up the Wall, but after a few minutes of waiting at Lincoln drive, departed for the comfort of home.  I arrived back in Mt. Airy at 3Pm. 

Did I mention the headwind I encountered the whole way down Kelly Drive? Nice. 

When I finally made it to Allens Lane, it had begun to snow.  No kidding. Snow.  

Classic. 

M is all smiles before the ride. 
Doctor George showing off the guns.
Bob Goldman ready to go. 
Ben promises to tell me the shortcuts.  

We Can Put a Man on the Moon...

but we can't broadcast a bike race from California because it's raining? Really?

Would some genius please get on this problem asap? I know there are more pressing issues like curing cancer, creating world peace, and brewing the best single malt, but for the love of all things carbon I have a giant HD tv and no live action in my living room. Argh.

In lieu of racing, Bob Roll is showing us the new electronic Dura Ace shifters. I shall refrain from contempt prior to investigation but the single speed lover in me remains suspect of this "innovation." Will it go the way of suspension forks for road bikes and Mavic ZAPP shifting? More to the point, will that millisecond of shifting really make a difference the next time I line up for a cat 4 road race?

Please, Versus, please get me coverage of this race. I am already bitter about missing CX superstar Tim Johnson in yesterday's breakaway. Bitter because the cameras weren't working so I could not watch it and because the numb nut commentators have not bothered to mention that he is a CX God. A little shout out would be nice. Take care of this, CX Magazine!

OK, I'm getting a $%^&& snack.

"Today Was Great Until I Fell Into the Water!"

We enjoyed another fun ride at Mercer Park with the Zeimet family today. Until....I swear to God I thought the boy had shattered a bone. That's what the screams would indicate. Fortunately, he just crashed into a pool of slimy, nearly frozen water near the end of our ride at Mercer County Park. Phew.

Soaked. Totally soaked.

My first inclination was to take his picture, but unclear as to how long hypothermia takes to settle in, I reconsidered. Instead, I told him to pretend he was at the track racing a Miss and Out and to make sure he wasn't out. We needed to get to the car before his joints froze.

Kieran wanted to ride on the boat ramps.Good thing Ray vetoed this idea.

Before the fall:Ironically, I was remarking to Christine at the beginning of the ride how I teeter on that line between trying to make cycling fun and being an overbearing, over-protective nightmare. You want the kids to enjoy it but trying to control the experience by avoiding nasty climbs or too many logs is in itself a buzz kill.

Lesson learned:

1) Don't look at the place you're trying to avoid because once you see it you will go in it. I believe it's Newtown's 5th law of motion.

2) When rides turn sour, they quickly become great stories. Cases in point: Gus falling off the Pipeline on his first (and last) night ride; me crashing on Barren Hill road 4 days prior to departing for France; Jimmy turning into a boysicle on our ride at Mercer.

3) Don't try to fool a smart ass. When I showed Jimmy the Tour of California riders battling stage one's cold and rain, he replied, "Yeah well that's why they get paid." Are you kidding me? If he thinks I'm paying him to ride, he's got another $5coming.

Kieran modeling the latest in old lady leg wear: All dry, and ready for Donuts:Thanks again to Ray Z. and family for showing us around the park. We indeed had a blast, even with the high drama at the end.

Valentine's Day Ride

This ride bittersweet ride started with the bitter news of M's car crash, and ended with sweet single track and lots of laughs. We missed M and Naomi who were recovering from the killer bread truck. Wonder bread is not just nasty to consume; it's dangerous to transport as well. Feel better, M!

Frankie, Robert, Diana, Jessica, and I took off from Falls Bridge and decided to try the Plateau which proved to be a good idea.Robert, fondling my bike. Hands off, Robert!Jessica has returned from distant shores!Dirty Girl ride leaders Diana Hulboy and Frankie Spence.

Most of the trails were dry, with some intermittent mud on the "420" and "Brass Monkey." No trails were harmed in the enjoyment of this ride. An equestrian had been through earlier and the damage left by that four-legged beast, never mind the poop, was outrageous. I'm not trying to pick a fight, but if the number of equestrians equalled the number of cyclists, our world would be a shit-infested nightmare of wrecked trails and slop. I'm just saying.

The weather: perfect. The mood: concerned for M, but lighthearted. The riding: high Barney factor, except for Frankie, who excelled as usual.

After the ride, I stopped by the boy's indoor soccer game at the old Arthur Ashe tennis facility that has been converted to accommodate soccer. We went to the Dunkin Donuts on Ridge Avenue for some health food, and I was hurt to see the way the customers treated the people who worked there. I guess people who feel shit on must shit on others in return, but it is a grisly side of human nature. If you are a third or fourth generation American who went to a shitty school, didn't pay attention or take advantage of what education you had, and resent in a xenophobic, paranoid, bit of insanity the newly arrived immigrants who are working their asses off to make their way here, well...GO FUCK YOURSELVES IF YOU CAN'T BE POLITE. But Anne, you're not being polite right now. In fact, you're belittling the uneducated trolls as much as they belittle the immigrants. You're correct...I'm not. Because I am sick of people who embrace their idiocy and then use it to belittle and denigrate others. What would your pal Jesus do?

OKAY, rant over. Be careful out there, people. The cars are large and their drivers angry.

Pedal. Fall. Laugh. Repeat.

How much fun is riding in 6" of snow? If you have to ask, you haven't tried it. The frozen fun fest did not end last night as expected, but continued into the next day when the our school closed due to nasty conditions. Too nasty for school, but not at all nasty for a ride in the Wiss. M and I met up at 11:30 for some frosty fun. We saw Ed Bush in the parking lot and he tried to warn us but you can't stop us.

After a tough go in the beginning, we finally figured out what we were doing and rode out the Yellow trail from Wises Mill Road to Gorgas Lane. After my third stupid crash I called it quits, but we still got in about 1.5 hours of silliness and exercise.

M made a new friend.Apparently, a very good friend.So Jimmy looks at this picture and in a moment of moral alarm asks, "Is she single?" He thought we should legitimize the relationship. I'm on it! Of course if they get too hot and heavy there is bound to be a messy ending full of tears.

I don't know what perversity inspired this action:The snowman had little twig legs and I...well, I don't know what.

What better way to end a goofy ride than with Cappuccinos and lunch!Any excuse to drink good coffee and eat.

I can't wait until the next snow day.

Bike 'n Ski

Like Surf 'n Turf, only better.

What to do when the snow is falling at the height of the evening but you may not have a snow day the next day? Go out and play.

The boy outgrew his cross country skis so I gave him mine and hopped on the single speed. Gus threw his skis on and joined us for a little bit as well. We noodled around the neighborhood for awhile in the fluffy, gorgous snow. It reminded my of the final line of Joyce's short story, The Dead: "His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead." Indeed, the snow was faintly falling. I have the pics to prove it: Sometimes gravity wins.
Sometimes it doesn't.
Gus and Jimmy cruising down Gowen Avenue.
The Creishem Cottage Cafe, corner of Germantown and Gowen. Mt. Airy Beer Distributor, across from the Cottage.
Self-portrait at Mt. Airy Train Station.
Mt. Airy Train station.
My favorite spot in the neighborhood--the secret alley that connects Boyer Street to Devon.

Let's hope for a snow day tomorrow! I see a bike ride on the agenda. The snow is perfect.

Derby Crashing

Tired of winter, I sat down to plan my spring activities. I googled "kinetic sculpture derby" and found this:on a set of Flicker pics of last year's event.

This event offers a different kind of fun. Drop whatever you plan on doing this May 19 and cruise over to the Kensington Kinetic Sculpture Derby. I plan on dressing in costume this year. Don't tell the boy, but I am dressing him up too. Nothing kinky! Relax, for Pete's sake.

In the meantime, get rid of those winter blues by stopping by the Sturdy Girl Annual Cocktail party. If you're reading this, you've been there before. If you haven't, contact me for details. Proceeds benefit our fabulous club. A good time is guaranteed!

No Goofy Faces!

When my husband was 12 years old, he rode his brand new road bike he received for Christmas on the ice. The first few times he found it entertaining to spin the wheels without going anywhere. And it was cool, until he fell on his face, breaking his jaw and two front teeth.

As the boy and I left to go riding this morning, my husband issued the following warning: "I don't care if the boy crashes, but if he crashes because you (subtext worst mother ever) made him ride on the ice I'm going to kill you." OK...rocky descent, sketchy bridge, gnarly single track crashes are okay, but ice crashes land me in divorce court. Got it!

Jimmy and I headed up to Mercer County Park this morning to meet Ray Z. and his son Kieran for some fun in the single track. Yes, this is the same Mercer Park that is home to the USGP of Cyclocross. Fortunately, the conditions were infinitely improved over the cross race which sounded like a soggy death march. Ray said he thought that race was a blast which makes him either insane or fatally optimistic; either way, he's okay in my book.

Sometimes what seems like a bad idea is absolutely brilliant. While driving up to Mercer Park I feared we would be greeted by icy trails and if we rode, bad spills followed by a trip to the hospital and then divorce court. After a few initial setbacks, we found snow-covered trails that weaved between trees. The trails were kind to the 10 year-olds, but plenty challenging for yours truly who found herself occasionally stuck between trees. (Drop dead Barry Gee, I know you just made a smart ass booty comment). This is a terrific place to hone turning skills while introducing neophytes to the sport. There are plenty of challenging log crossings with trails that go around these obstacles as well. The fact that there were no lung-busting climbs warmed my soul. Frankie--road trip! Something for everyone.

The deer population must have had a kegger, because their tracks were everywhere. Indeed, we saw a large group of them running through the woods on two separate occasions.

Hey, great picture of Ray riding the see saw. Only you have to imagine it because I left my camera in the car. As Erik Dekker remarked in my favorite Velonews quote: "Stupid, stupid, stupid. I am the stupidest ride here today."

I did manage to get these photos in the parking lot. Real action shots. Way sexy. I warned the boys not to make goofy faces and wound up with these:

Everyone decided to be goofy in a different shot. Together, I could get one reasonable photo.

At least all of our teeth are in tact.