I took the single speed out on a little expedition to survey the neighborhood for damage and stupidity and discovered an abundance of both. Downed trees and wires were the main problems other than the snowtards.
An out-of-gas Volvo and stuck mini-van stalled progress on the Gowen Avenue bridge. Nice job, snowtards!
Drivers on Chew and Mt Airy Avenues weren't going anywhere. One women was negotiating treacherous conditions while yakking on the cell phone. I tried to conjure telekinetic powers that would enable me to set her on fire, but alas, I'm insufficient in that area. My powers are limited after all. Good news for the snowtards. Other snowtardery included the old "if I keep revving the engine I'll break free of the snow" routine. And the "I'm just going to stop in the middle of the street to chat even though there are cars behind me" routine. I amused passersby with my weaving in and out of stuck cars. I dinged my bell and smiled like a fiend.
So I noodled around Mt Airy and Chestnut Hill, stopping of course at the Night Kitchen Bakery. Their trashcans were covered:
The Brewers Outlet parking lot was better plowed than Jeff's mom (inside joke applicable to a few twisted souls). The outlet knows it's going to be a weekend with little for people to do except swill beer:
I was going to say howdy to the fine fellows at Wiss Cycles, but they were wisely closed. No school for me today:
Willow Grove Avenue was clear, but a downed power line closed Creisheim Valley Road. I enjoyed a nice conversation with the police office in charge of keeping folks of the road. I expected a snowtard to argue with him, but none came by while I was there.Tragically, lawn tennis has been suspended indefinitely:
No need to clean those tennis whites, Cricket Clubbers. Do you think they would alert the police if I skied on their cricket pitch? Pitch? Patch? Pooch?Arbor Massacre:
Boyer Street, above, closed due to downed tree. Someone put a folding chair with an 8x11 inch paper saying "Road Closed Ahead" to alert snowtards not to venture down the blocked artery. Nigel Tuffnel was on the case, because the only drivers who would notice that sign would be in matchbox cars.
This broken limb (above) at the corner of Crefeld and W. Moreland came perilously close to a house. And below, right in between the Wissahickon Inn and Jordan Buildings at Chestnut Hill Academy. Good thing we didn't have school today!
The Trolley Car Diner's ice cream trolley took a hit. The picture doesn't do it justice, but there's snow all the way up the ramp. You had to be there. Never mind.
Fortunately, I managed to remain upright throughout the ride. Otherwise, I would have been Queen of the Snowtards. Instead, I'm a simple snow jester who will go to any lengths to avoid the trainer. Any.
1 comments:
When I was a seven year old in Philly, my very elderly next door neighbor, a Penn prof and discoverer of Riboflavin, did the "rev the engine until something happens" routine. The thing that happened was his engine erupted into flames. He calmly shuffled over the ice back to his house from which he emerged with a large glass of water. After the slow shuffle back to the car, he poured the water onto the hood. this happened a couple more times before the fire truck arrived, having been called by my mother.
Goes to show you that snowtards can teach in the Ivy League.
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